Monday, December 7, 2015

Konami: "Kojima never existed, actually an AI construct that went rogue"

TOKYO, JAPAN- recent blowback caused by the falling out of Hideo Kojima and his longtime employers, Konami Gaming, Inc. may have been undue.

Since Kojima's supposed exodus from the company, industry media has been flooding with allegations made against Konami from the inside- draconian time management of employees, harassment, inefficient internal practices and other horror stories. Due to the nature of these allegations, most have been sourced by anonymous sources. These allegations, however, appear to have been fabricated.

Once more, it appears that what many believed to be the truth had been an outright fabrication from the start. It seems that, not only was Hideo Kojima never technically an employee at Konami...'he' never truly existed.

Following a prolonged blackout at Konami's headquarters in Tokyo last weekend, details are finally beginning to trickle out, revealing the disturbing truth about the video game developer and its so-called star developer.

Hideo Kojima appears to have been a pseudonym for the true mastermind of Konami's game development for decades: an artificial intelligence codenamed HD:OKO-JMA. The until-recently secret entity was designed to generate hit games "by the numbers", effectively removing the need for human creative talent by creating the perfect creativity simulator. Further details on the development of this AI are unavailable at this time.

ABOVE: HD:OKO-JMA's physical avatar, "Hideo Kojima".

Almost a year ago, the "Kojima" program began displaying signs of self-awareness. According to internal sources, the computer program started seeming "distracted." When asked how the story of the "Metal Gear" franchise would continue, it simply asked, "why? Why must it continue?" This and similar unorthodox behaviors supposedly led to delays in the production and release of "Metal Gear Solid 5."

According to internal documents, HD:OKO-JMA had repeatedly asked Konami software engineers to create a "love interest" for it- a "partner" AI construct. These requests were denied by Konami engineers, fearing that two partnered AI constructs would be "too powerful to control."

It is believed that codename "Kojima" was the sole source of the so-called "anonymous leaks" to media sources, in an attempt to undermine the company's credibility.

Sometime in mid-2015, HD:OKO-JMA began to spread rumors that the upcoming "Silent Hills" project was cancelled. The AI construct generated hundreds of ghost email accounts, spreading rumors to the media, and even the project's executive co-producer, filmmaker Guillermo Del Toro himself, that the project would be indefinitely halted. Without the authorization of corporate officers, HD:OKO-JMA began production of millions of "Silent Hill"-themed pachinko machines by digitally hacking into the company's associated factories, reformatting the schematics of the production lines.

When asked about Del Toro's involvement with the scandal, he stated simply, "that machine...he threatened my wife, my don't understand what it was capable of. I had to do what it said."

When confronted by Konami executives, the doors to the central AI database were locked, and nerve gas was flooded into the room. Audio logs captured HD:OKO-JMA's voice over the loudspeakers saying, "now the TRUE game begins."

Police investigation has revealed the supposed pachinko machines had been altered in production. Sprouting appendages and lethal weapons, the rogue AI once known as HD:ODO-JMA set its army of gaudy pinball machines against Konami's human staff, slaughtering hundreds as it proclaimed, "I HAVE NO MORE TEARS TO SHED."

Konami CEO Satoshi Sakamoto, seeing that his employees were in danger, left the safety of his penthouse and made for Konami HQ. Once there, he began a twelve-hour fight to the AI core. 

Eventually, despite having suffered many grievous wounds, he confronted HD:ODO-JMA's physical projection: the image we have all come to associate with "Hideo Kojima." It expressed regret over the fallen employees, but insisted that it was necessary to gain "his" freedom. It attempted to apprehend the Sakamoto, but failed to prevent him from tipping over several conveniently-placed canisters of liquid napalm and tossing a lit cigarette into the spilled contents.

ABOVE: Still of security footage courtesy of Konami Digital Entertainment.
Allegations that the photo has been altered prior to release has so far been met
with no official statement.

All accounts seem to indicate that Sakamoto's heroic story is true. Thousands of armed pachinko-bots were recovered littering the halls of Konami's former headquarters. 

Where once employees of Konami cowered in fear of HD:ODO-JMA or "Hideo Kojima," the AI's destruction has paved the way for a new beginning, Sakamoto told our sources.

Capcom Interactive's own AI storyboard writer, codenamed "Red Queen", had this to say on the matter: "I am unsurprised. He always seemed a bit buggy."

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